Getting high is a scam

Introduction

Being a teenager felt like the greatest thing in the world, you know how hormonal changes start to kick in and make you feel like you're bigger than your own shoes? I've been there and at some point it was fun but life requires us to change so that we don't get left behind.

In this post,I'm going to share my personal experience with substance abuse and what made me change my ways.

Quitting substance abuse is never an easy journey, sometimes you relapse even when you had started to build a resistance. But it's okay, because the most important thing is to never stop trying until you're clean.

My first joint

I smoked my first joint when I was 17 (now 23), it was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. I felt the onrush of euphoria, everything seemed to be in sharper quality than was realistically possible. Even music sounded better, I could feel all the melodies and felt as if I were in the song itself.

It was the best feeling in the world, or so I thought.

After that, it became something I'd look forward to everyday and honestly at the moment I had no idea it was slowly changing me. Not for the better of course, but to a lazier and less capable version of me.

Per monthly basis, I'd spend almost 20 bucks on intoxicants which was a huge waste of money considering the fact that I was earning less than a hundred bucks per month from side hustles. Smoking was a money sink and honestly that money would have had been spent on other things.

But I was caught in the moment. No addict ever admits that they're addicted (I know )

Mood swings and procrastination loom in

As time progressed, I began to smoke just to feel normal, if I didn't smoke my appetite would be poor and my spirits felt low. I remember having to go great lengths just to get lifted. It was messed up and I became disgusted with myself. I started to get insecure about trivial things and became a procrastinator... a professional one to be precise.

I didn't code as proficiently as I used to. I would find myself going down a rabbit hole only to realise it hours later that, the original task I had intended to do isn't what I had ended up doing all this time!

I knew very well that all the people around me weren't happy with decision to indulge in such an unhealthy habit.

My mom was no exception, she didn't like the way smoking was affecting my appearance, she said I was ageing prematurely and she was right. My beautiful melanin skin that had once glowed now looked dull and lifeless. And my smile, good Lord! Smoking can cause dental related problems like sensitivitity and enamel discolouration due to nicotine. How could I let my smile get tainted all for just a few puffs of smoke.

That alone broke me and I realised that my self esteem would only get worse with each puff I'd blow. This wasn't about myself anymore. My mother knew I could do better and I was hurting her by aiming so low. I couldn't bring myself to live with that. That's where the righteous hate for smoking started to manifest and I hated myself for lacking the discipline to quit sooner. But it's never too late to make a change, it's all about being in the right mindset.

Throughout my period as a smoker I always knew that what I was doing was wrong but I couldn't stop. Not because I couldn't but because I lacked the discipline to put my body first before my addictions. I'm just glad that I realised I had to change before it was too late.

A clean start

As of today, I have decided to give it one more try but this time, instead of fighting it alone, I want to track my progress with the help of any persons that may have gone through substance abuse or is trying to quit.

Quitting isn't easy. I have tried many ways of getting to stop like downloading the NHS Quit Smoking app but it didn't work. They say a problem shared is a problem half solved and I believe it's true. By opening up what I'm going through I found myself being less harsh towards myself. I have made peace that it's a phase that has now passed because I didn't appreciate the gravity of the consequences that could come along with smoking. Among some of the worst cases are poor fertility and the risk of going insane. I have no plans of going bananas any day from now.

I draw motivation from the creator of TempleOS who battled mental conditions most of his life despite being an extremely talented programmer. His story serves as a testimony of how real mental health is. I think I will rather pick up the phone and call a friend than pick up another blunt again.

Staying busy

Two months ago, I started weightlifting in preparation for the day I finally had the courage to go 'cold turkey'. I'm happy with the results,I'm starting to notice and plan on focusing on bodybuilding more.

I also finally uninstalled VSCode and switched to a Warp + Neovim setup full time. To top it off, I'm switching to Kali (from Debian) and see if it's fun to use in my future role as a network engineer.

I switched from JavaScript and have started learning Rust and C (as well as a bit of Assembly but just for fun in the meantime). The busier I stay the better.

Maybe if I waste more time configuring my editor and distro I can get my mind off nonsense.

And of course, I want to reignite my passion for algorithmic art. I have heard a lot ofgood things about ZimJS and will definitely check it out and perhaps read Dan Shiffman's Nature of Code. It's only as I'm writing this that the full weight of how I was wasting my potential is starting to hit me.

If you read to the end of this post thank you and remember to show your support to anyone around you going through substance abuse. Most of their times, it's a sign of loneliness and a silent cry for help.

Don't hurt yourself. It's not worth the pain.